{"id":67,"date":"2013-01-22T15:59:47","date_gmt":"2013-01-22T21:59:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/?page_id=67"},"modified":"2013-02-10T15:28:53","modified_gmt":"2013-02-10T21:28:53","slug":"ch-1-d-surviving","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/?page_id=67","title":{"rendered":"ch. 1. d.     Surviving"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a title=\"ch. 1.c  Transitions\" href=\"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/?page_id=60\"><br \/>\n&lt; previous\u00a0<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <a title=\"ch. 1.  e.  A Brush With the Numinous\" href=\"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/?page_id=76\">next &gt;<\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><em>Prefer to listen?\u00a0 Click here:<\/em><\/p>\n<div id=\"mp3jWrap_0\" class=\"mjp-s-wrapper s-graphic unsel-mjp  verdana-mjp\" style=\"font-size:14px;\"><span id=\"playpause_wrap_mp3j_0\" class=\"wrap_inline_mp3j\" style=\"font-weight:700;\"><span class=\"gfxbutton_mp3j play-mjp\" id=\"playpause_mp3j_0\" style=\"font-size:14px;\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/span>&nbsp;<span class=\"group_wrap\"><span class=\"bars_mp3j\"><span class=\"loadB_mp3j\" id=\"load_mp3j_0\"><\/span><span class=\"posbarB_mp3j\" id=\"posbar_mp3j_0\"><\/span><\/span><span class=\"T_mp3j\" id=\"T_mp3j_0\" style=\"font-size:14px;\">1. Chapter-1-d<\/span><span class=\"indi_mp3j\" style=\"font-size:9.8px;\" id=\"statusMI_0\"><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div><span class=\"s-nosolution\" id=\"mp3j_nosolution_0\" style=\"display:none;\"><\/span><script>\nMP3jPLAYLISTS.inline_0 = [\n\t{ name: \"1. Chapter-1-d\", formats: [\"mp3\"], mp3: \"aHR0cHM6Ly9oYW5pbGl2ZXMuY29tL3dwLWNvbnRlbnQvdXBsb2Fkcy9IUy1OZXctY2gtMS1kLm1wMw==\", counterpart:\"\", artist: \"\", image: \"\", imgurl: \"\" }\n];\n<\/script>\n\n<script>MP3jPLAYERS[0] = { list: MP3jPLAYLISTS.inline_0, tr:0, type:'single', lstate:'', loop:false, play_txt:'&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;', pause_txt:'&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;', pp_title:'', autoplay:false, download:false, vol:100, height:'' };<\/script>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/?attachment_id=69\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-69\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-thumbnail wp-image-69\" alt=\"photo\" src=\"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/photo2-150x200.jpg\" width=\"150\" height=\"200\" srcset=\"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/photo2-150x200.jpg 150w, https:\/\/hanilives.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/photo2-225x300.jpg 225w, https:\/\/hanilives.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/photo2-768x1024.jpg 768w, https:\/\/hanilives.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/photo2.jpg 1224w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px\" \/><\/a> Steve\u2019s contacts came in handy, and I fell into a job within a few weeks, working again for a women\u2019s assistance center, where they counseled victims of abuse, and provided short-term housing for emergency cases.<\/p>\n<p>I understood I got the job only because someone else had burned out and left them in the lurch, but I didn\u2019t care.\u00a0 At least I was independent, if only barely.<\/p>\n<p>My father sent me a couple of checks, I\u2019ll give him credit for that, helping with the legal bills, although he never would talk about it.\u00a0 Mom seemed to think it was just a matter of time before I came to my senses and begged Dale to take me back.<\/p>\n<p>Not in this lifetime.<\/p>\n<p>I found an apartment in an iffy neighborhood of Oakland, not too far from my job.\u00a0 It was dreary but cheap, and I fell into a kind of unconvincing mantra telling myself all the things I could do to make it livable if I ever got my act together.\u00a0 I was a little freaked out about safety, but my colleagues seemed so fearless I was determined not to let my own fear show.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019d worked in the women\u2019s shelter in Boulder.\u00a0 I told myself I was experienced.\u00a0 I knew all about legal and legislative issues. I was a fighter for women\u2019s rights.\u00a0 I thought I knew what I was doing.<\/p>\n<p>I didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n<p>This was nothing like Boulder, where the average citizen has at least a bachelor\u2019s degree.\u00a0 This was a working class neighborhood, lots of gang activity, and the center was underfunded and grimy.\u00a0 I\u2019d never had to deal with the day-to-day realities of budgets and funding and community relations.<\/p>\n<p>And one more thing.\u00a0 When I\u2019d worked in Boulder, I\u2019d had no idea what it was like to actually experience abuse.<\/p>\n<p>Now I did, and I found myself a tangle of emotions, completely losing my objectivity, sometimes in empathy that kept me awake nights, sometimes in projected self-loathing that made empathy almost impossible.<\/p>\n<p>I dragged myself home at night, barely managing to keep my little fridge stocked with milk and bread and peanut butter.<\/p>\n<p>And yet, I adapted.\u00a0 It took about six months, but I slowly began to feel like I had my feet on the ground.\u00a0 I made friends, mostly with other staffers, who were as wounded as I was, for the most part.\u00a0 The one exception was Patty, who somehow seemed to keep perspective in the worst situations, whose basic kindness shone through no matter what was going down.<\/p>\n<p>I was highly suspicious of her.<\/p>\n<p>Yes, I was just getting my feet on the ground, all right. Then Mom called, in total, tearful disbelief, to tell me Dad had left her for a woman practically my age.<\/p>\n<p>There was only the one sheepish call from Dad after that, awkwardly inviting me to come visit \u201cthem\u201d for the holidays.<\/p>\n<p>I was just learning how to brace myself for Mom\u2019s suddenly incessant calls, always the same complaints, the same tears, always pleading for me to fix things with Dad.\u00a0 Her calls left me depressed and heartsick and lonely.<\/p>\n<p>So when the phone rang one Saturday evening, my stomach clenched instantly at the sound of Mom\u2019s voice, and it took me a moment to actually hear what she was saying.<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019d been an accident.\u00a0 Dad\u2019s new Porsche had spun out on a slick road, and wrapped around a utility pole.\u00a0 The girlfriend was driving.\u00a0 She died instantly.\u00a0 Dad, thrown free, didn\u2019t make it as far as the hospital.<\/p>\n<p>All I could think of was how happy Dad had sounded when he bought that car, just before he walked out on Mom.\u00a0 All I could think of was that tone of optimism and possibility in his voice, a tone that had come across so vibrantly on the phone.\u00a0 I remembered what I\u2019d thought at the time, that I hadn\u2019t heard him sound that happy in years.\u00a0 I remembered how I\u2019d listened to him, with a snide kind of condescension, the kind children often feel for their parents, I guess, chalking it up to some stereotypical mid-life crisis.<\/p>\n<p>And yet, I\u2019d said goodbye to him, hung up the phone, and thought a long time about how my father could be so happy, when my life was so damned hard.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I apologize, reader, if I\u2019ve thrown too many facts at you too quickly.\u00a0 It may already seem like more than enough traumas for one lifetime.\u00a0 It certainly seemed that way to me at the time.\u00a0 The greater truth was that the Unseen Hand was shoving me along at something like the speed of light.\u00a0 Like I was some super-hero moving at twice as fast as everyone else, except my speedy superpowers just seemed to mean that I slammed into the inevitable walls with twice as big a splat.<\/p>\n<p>Ouch.<\/p>\n<p>But stay with me.\u00a0 We\u2019re just getting started.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><a title=\"ch. 1.c  Transitions\" href=\"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/?page_id=60\"><br \/>\n&lt; previous\u00a0<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <a title=\"ch. 1.  e.  A Brush With the Numinous\" href=\"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/?page_id=76\">next &gt;<\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&lt; previous\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 next &gt; &nbsp; Prefer to listen?\u00a0 Click here: &nbsp; Steve\u2019s contacts came in handy, and I fell into a job within a few weeks, working again for a women\u2019s assistance center, where they counseled &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/?page_id=67\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-67","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/67","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=67"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/67\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":329,"href":"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/67\/revisions\/329"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=67"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}