{"id":207,"date":"2013-02-07T16:12:52","date_gmt":"2013-02-07T22:12:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/?page_id=207"},"modified":"2013-02-20T13:43:15","modified_gmt":"2013-02-20T19:43:15","slug":"ch-2-c-some-important-yeses","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/?page_id=207","title":{"rendered":"ch 2.c     Some Important Yeses"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><a title=\"ch 2.b     In which I fall in love\" href=\"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/?page_id=206\">&lt; previous\u00a0<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <a title=\"Ch 2.d    Settling In\" href=\"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/?page_id=208\">next &gt;<\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><em>Prefer to listen?\u00a0 Click here:<\/em><\/p>\n<div id=\"mp3jWrap_0\" class=\"mjp-s-wrapper s-graphic unsel-mjp  verdana-mjp\" style=\"font-size:14px;\"><span id=\"playpause_wrap_mp3j_0\" class=\"wrap_inline_mp3j\" style=\"font-weight:700;\"><span class=\"gfxbutton_mp3j play-mjp\" id=\"playpause_mp3j_0\" style=\"font-size:14px;\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/span>&nbsp;<span class=\"group_wrap\"><span class=\"bars_mp3j\"><span class=\"loadB_mp3j\" id=\"load_mp3j_0\"><\/span><span class=\"posbarB_mp3j\" id=\"posbar_mp3j_0\"><\/span><\/span><span class=\"T_mp3j\" id=\"T_mp3j_0\" style=\"font-size:14px;\">1. Chapter-2-c<\/span><span class=\"indi_mp3j\" style=\"font-size:9.8px;\" id=\"statusMI_0\"><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div><span class=\"s-nosolution\" id=\"mp3j_nosolution_0\" style=\"display:none;\"><\/span><script>\nMP3jPLAYLISTS.inline_0 = [\n\t{ name: \"1. Chapter-2-c\", formats: [\"mp3\"], mp3: \"aHR0cHM6Ly9oYW5pbGl2ZXMuY29tL3dwLWNvbnRlbnQvdXBsb2Fkcy9IUy1OZXctY2gtMi1jLm1wMw==\", counterpart:\"\", artist: \"\", image: \"\", imgurl: \"\" }\n];\n<\/script>\n\n<script>MP3jPLAYERS[0] = { list: MP3jPLAYLISTS.inline_0, tr:0, type:'single', lstate:'', loop:false, play_txt:'&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;', pause_txt:'&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;', pp_title:'', autoplay:false, download:false, vol:100, height:'' };<\/script>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/01\/wedding-band.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-thumbnail wp-image-12\" alt=\"wedding-band\" src=\"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/01\/wedding-band-150x150.jpg\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" \/><\/a>Coming off that kind of emotional high, I was hit smack in the face, first thing Monday morning, with all kinds of human misery.\u00a0 The bruised, the terrified, the homeless, the helpless, the hapless, the psychologically broken.\u00a0 The usual Monday crowd, filling up our little waiting room with despair.\u00a0 Every cracked plastic chair occupied by a lost soul, many with babies or toddlers \u2013 or both &#8211; whining or sniffling or clinging, in as much confusion and fear as their mamas.\u00a0 Did it only seem worse that day compared to my own happiness?<\/p>\n<p>How could I feel so good, how could things be suddenly so good for me when they were still so terribly bad for so many others, and in a way that I simply couldn\u2019t fix?<\/p>\n<p>I talked with Patty over lunch, a quick 20 minutes or so we grabbed in the dingy break room, ignoring the ever-present smell of burned popcorn.\u00a0 \u201cEveryone has their own karma, Hani,\u201d she reminded me.\u00a0 But my mind balked at that.\u00a0 Big time.\u00a0 Wasn\u2019t I supposed to fix everything?\u00a0 For everyone?\u00a0 Wasn\u2019t that what a decent human being did, or tried to do?\u00a0 Wasn\u2019t that what I\u2019d always believed?<\/p>\n<p>I flailed around the next few weeks trying to find some kind of balance on that karmic scale, spending more and more of my time with Bob \u2013 he came and spent nights with me in my crappy apartment while I was working during the week.\u00a0 His work, his world, was flexible, fluid, portable.\u00a0 And our talk just naturally turned toward the future.\u00a0 He was full of ideas, and he was the kind of person to make even the most outlandish dreams into reality.\u00a0 He had that touch.<\/p>\n<p>I can\u2019t even say when the assumptions shifted from talking about what he wanted to do to what we were going to do, together.\u00a0 I guess that happens when you fall in love.<\/p>\n<p>You hear all these cute stories about how guys proposed to their girlfriends, all these carefully staged scenes in romantic locales, complete with props and accomplices?<\/p>\n<p>I wonder how many proposals are actually made in bed, in the middle of the night.\u00a0 Because that\u2019s how Bob asked me to marry him.<\/p>\n<p>I didn\u2019t point it out, and it didn\u2019t occur to him until later, that he hadn\u2019t thought to offer me a ring.\u00a0 When he realized his oversight, he insisted on taking me to Tiffany\u2019s on my next day off, ready to buy the place out.\u00a0 But then, we stood outside, looking in the windows, and suddenly we looked at each other with the same thought.<\/p>\n<p>When we finally did go inside, the snooty saleswoman quickly lost interest in this couple who only wanted a pair of plain gold bands.\u00a0 Even when she noted the name on Bob\u2019s credit card, looked up at his face \u2013 a face that had been on the cover of <i>Forbes<\/i> only a few months before, and a name beloved by the folks at the <i>Wall Street Journal<\/i> \u2013 I could see that she thought it was just an odd coincidence.<\/p>\n<p>Whatever he\u2019d budgeted for an engagement ring, I convinced him to use the balance instead on some new chairs and sofas for the waiting room at the Crisis Center.\u00a0 Maybe I was just trying to ease my guilt, but it sure spiffed the place up.<\/p>\n<p>There was a poem I remembered reading months before. \u00a0It was by Mary Oliver, a poet Patty had recommended to me, a poem called <i>The Journey<\/i>.\u00a0 It\u2019s incredibly powerful.\u00a0 But don\u2019t take my word for it; listen to the poet herself reading it.\u00a0 Then, if you\u2019re agonizing over your own next move, find it in print and let it sink in.<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Mary Oliver reads &quot;The Journey&quot; Maria Shriver&#039;s Women&#039;s Conference 2010\" width=\"640\" height=\"480\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/VNqSWiYWDaw?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>And yeah, once I determined \u2013 as Mary Oliver said \u2013 to save the only life that really was mine to save, there wasn\u2019t any good reason not to put those gold bands to good use right away.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><a title=\"ch 2.b     In which I fall in love\" href=\"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/?page_id=206\">&lt; previous\u00a0<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <a title=\"Ch 2.d    Settling In\" href=\"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/?page_id=208\">next &gt;<\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><i>\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&nbsp; &lt; previous\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 next &gt; &nbsp; Prefer to listen?\u00a0 Click here: &nbsp; Coming off that kind of emotional high, I was hit smack in the face, first thing Monday morning, with all kinds of human misery.\u00a0 The &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/?page_id=207\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-207","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/207","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=207"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/207\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":543,"href":"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/207\/revisions\/543"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=207"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}