{"id":206,"date":"2013-02-07T16:12:15","date_gmt":"2013-02-07T22:12:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/?page_id=206"},"modified":"2013-02-20T13:40:52","modified_gmt":"2013-02-20T19:40:52","slug":"ch-2-b-in-which-i-fall-in-love","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/?page_id=206","title":{"rendered":"ch 2.b     In which I fall in love"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><a title=\"ch 2.a       I Change Directions\" href=\"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/?page_id=186\">&lt; previous<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<a title=\"ch 2.c     Some Important Yeses\" href=\"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/?page_id=207\"> next &gt;<\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><em>Prefer to listen?\u00a0 Click here:<\/em><\/p>\n<div id=\"mp3jWrap_0\" class=\"mjp-s-wrapper s-graphic unsel-mjp  verdana-mjp\" style=\"font-size:14px;\"><span id=\"playpause_wrap_mp3j_0\" class=\"wrap_inline_mp3j\" style=\"font-weight:700;\"><span class=\"gfxbutton_mp3j play-mjp\" id=\"playpause_mp3j_0\" style=\"font-size:14px;\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/span>&nbsp;<span class=\"group_wrap\"><span class=\"bars_mp3j\"><span class=\"loadB_mp3j\" id=\"load_mp3j_0\"><\/span><span class=\"posbarB_mp3j\" id=\"posbar_mp3j_0\"><\/span><\/span><span class=\"T_mp3j\" id=\"T_mp3j_0\" style=\"font-size:14px;\">1. Chapter-2-b<\/span><span class=\"indi_mp3j\" style=\"font-size:9.8px;\" id=\"statusMI_0\"><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div><span class=\"s-nosolution\" id=\"mp3j_nosolution_0\" style=\"display:none;\"><\/span><script>\nMP3jPLAYLISTS.inline_0 = [\n\t{ name: \"1. Chapter-2-b\", formats: [\"mp3\"], mp3: \"aHR0cHM6Ly9oYW5pbGl2ZXMuY29tL3dwLWNvbnRlbnQvdXBsb2Fkcy9IUy1OZXctY2gtMi1iLm1wMw==\", counterpart:\"\", artist: \"\", image: \"\", imgurl: \"\" }\n];\n<\/script>\n\n<script>MP3jPLAYERS[0] = { list: MP3jPLAYLISTS.inline_0, tr:0, type:'single', lstate:'', loop:false, play_txt:'&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;', pause_txt:'&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;', pp_title:'', autoplay:false, download:false, vol:100, height:'' };<\/script>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/photo5.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-thumbnail wp-image-399\" alt=\"photo\" src=\"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/photo5-150x200.jpg\" width=\"150\" height=\"200\" srcset=\"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/photo5-150x200.jpg 150w, https:\/\/hanilives.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/photo5-225x300.jpg 225w, https:\/\/hanilives.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/photo5.jpg 480w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px\" \/><\/a>The next Friday, he was waiting outside the Crisis Center when I finished my shift, wrapping up on time for once.\u00a0 Even though we\u2019d talked almost every night since we met, it took my breath away, seeing him standing there, leaning on the hood of that battered old Volvo, smiling when I walked out like Christmas was coming early.\u00a0 Or was that just what I was feeling?<\/p>\n<p>We stopped by my place just long enough for me throw a few things in a bag for the weekend. \u00a0I hadn\u2019t had a chance to cut the labels off the sexy new underthings I\u2019d bought in a fit of optimism.\u00a0 I stuffed those in my old backpack, along with jeans, and the usual weekend gear.<\/p>\n<p>I paused at my bedside table, where a book by my spiritual teacher bristled with bookmarks.\u00a0 I was plowing through all his works, morning and night; studying, contemplating, journaling, logging my dreams and re-examining my life from all kinds of fresh angles.<\/p>\n<p>My hand hesitated I as reached to pick it up.\u00a0 I took a second to observe that arrested motion, and asked myself the question behind it:\u00a0 What was this going to be?\u00a0 Was it an either-or choice?\u00a0 Romance or the inner life?\u00a0 I\u2019d always held my inner self so secret, always so aware of how I seemed to be out of step with the world.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t like being that furtive person, the outer me pretending the inner me didn\u2019t exist.<\/p>\n<p>Come to think of it, I was absolutely sure Bob would never have walked into my life if I hadn\u2019t already taken the steps I had, trusting that the Universe actually did hold possibilities like this.<\/p>\n<p>I grabbed the book, and my journal, wedging them into my little backpack right next to the new blue silk nightie, smiling happily as I yanked the zipper shut.\u00a0 It felt like there was a very complete woman stuffed in there.<\/p>\n<p>Have you ever been lost in love?\u00a0 I hadn\u2019t, not until then. \u00a0With Dale, it had been all about the appearance of love, the idea of being in love.\u00a0 Only now could I see all the energy I\u2019d expended convincing myself I was in love.<\/p>\n<p>But that first weekend, with Bob and me, we were fully engulfed in that divine madness.\u00a0 In bed, rising to half-dress and dance our way around the kitchen, scavenging for food just to keep our strength up, music wafting through Bob\u2019s high-tech stereo system.\u00a0 He was in an Al Green phase, and the song that\u2019s never left me, that was so perfect for that moment, in my life, and in Bob\u2019s arms, was \u201cLove God and Everybody else.\u201d\u00a0 I felt like my inner teacher was right there with me, reminding me that when it comes to the Truth, there\u2019s no \u201ceither\/or\u201d.\u00a0\u00a0 You haven\u2019t lived until you\u2019ve danced across a kitchen with the love of your life at 2 a.m. to the music of Al Green.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Love God and Everybody Else - Al Green\" width=\"640\" height=\"480\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/bqt8tZa-kk8?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Or there we were, lounging in giddy silence, me reading while Bob tracked the world on his ever-present laptop.\u00a0 It was what he did, an organic part of him, and yet, our bodies were rarely out of touch.<\/p>\n<p>And there was no need to make a big deal about rising early to do my morning contemplations.\u00a0 He was up ahead of me, bringing me coffee, insisting I take his prized Eames chair to settle into my practice, while he headed down to the beach for a run.\u00a0 He said it was his own way of clearing his thoughts and connecting with his own version of the Source.<\/p>\n<p>By the time I staggered into work Monday morning, short on sleep, sore from lovemaking, high on dopamine and norepinephrine, the chemicals of love, I was a beautiful mess.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t believe the effect he had on me.\u00a0 Bob was nearly 10 years older than I, but it felt like I was the one who\u2019d been worn down from life.<\/p>\n<p>Not now, though.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t believe my luck. I felt revived, young, energized.\u00a0 I felt like I\u2019d won the lottery.<\/p>\n<p>I felt guilty as hell.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><a title=\"ch 2.a       I Change Directions\" href=\"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/?page_id=186\">&lt; previous<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<a title=\"ch 2.c     Some Important Yeses\" href=\"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/?page_id=207\"> next &gt;<\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&nbsp; &lt; previous\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 next &gt; &nbsp; Prefer to listen?\u00a0 Click here: &nbsp; The next Friday, he was waiting outside the Crisis Center when I finished my shift, wrapping up on time for once.\u00a0 Even &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/?page_id=206\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-206","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/206","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=206"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/206\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":540,"href":"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/206\/revisions\/540"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=206"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}