<\/p>\n
—-\u00a0 Shakespeare, Measure for Measure<\/i><\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n Jim wasn\u2019t convinced.\u00a0 He pressed the others one more time.\u00a0 \u201cTell me you\u2019re sure about this.\u00a0 Give me a probability, Spock.\u00a0 That it will \u2013 would \u2013 actually cure this\u2026 condition.\u00a0 And that Hani won\u2019t \u2013 wouldn\u2019t –\u00a0 be harmed.\u201d<\/p>\n Spock\u2019s natural precision managed to tiptoe sensitively through the loaded implications.<\/p>\n \u201cOur best analysis indicates a high probability of a positive outcome, though there are, of course, still potential unknowns.\u00a0 Human female biology is quite complex.\u00a0 The \u2026cumulative effects, too, are not entirely predictable.\u00a0 Certainly the first\u2026union would be likeliest to succeed, if, indeed, any will.\u00a0 Based on that outcome, further actions will either be indicated\u2026 or, possibly, shown to be futile.\u201d<\/p>\n Spock turned to me now.\u00a0 \u201cIt is important to be very clear on this.\u00a0 The risks to you are quite real.\u00a0 Based on your body chemistry and what we know about the bio-mass, I believe it is likely that Dr. McCoy\u2019s theories will prove correct.\u00a0 If there are other factors we are not aware of, you could sacrifice everything, and yet all could still be lost.\u201d<\/p>\n Bones cut in.\u00a0 \u201cWhat he means is that we\u2019re predicting your body can win a face off.\u00a0 If we\u2019re wrong, we could put you at mortal risk.\u00a0 It\u2019s still possible that in doing this, we could be cured, and the cumulative effects could be lethal for you.\u201d<\/p>\n Bones\u2019 voice was brittle as he finished his summary, \u201cWorst case scenario, it doesn\u2019t save our lives or yours.\u00a0 You still have a choice to save yourself, use your Elder status to convince the Magna to return you to the Enterprise<\/i>.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo,\u201d I said, beginning to feel a little nervous or impatient, I wasn\u2019t sure which.\u00a0 \u201cTell me there\u2019s another way to save your lives, any other viable options, or stop being so\u2026 chivalrous.\u00a0 Aren\u2019t we just wasting time?\u201d<\/p>\n Bones turned to Jim, and, for the first time since we began this disastrous misadventure, his voice toward his friend softened.<\/p>\n \u201cI know, Jim, I don\u2019t want to admit it either, but dammit, she\u2019s right.\u00a0 If we\u2019re going to have any chance at all, we can\u2019t afford to debate this any longer.\u201d<\/p>\n Jim stepped over to me, gripped my arms with his hands, obviously very aware of his touch on my body.\u00a0 \u201cHani\u2026\u201d he broke off, words of no use now.<\/p>\n Spock\u2019s cool logic chimed in, though his tone held that rare glimpse of the hidden personal connection that bound these friends.\u00a0 \u201cJim, I would point out that, were you to find yourself in a position similar to Hani\u2019s, you would no doubt make the same choice.\u201d<\/p>\n I took a very deep breath.\u00a0 Felt the calm clarity still sitting on my shoulders.<\/p>\n \u201cYou need me.\u201d\u00a0 I said.<\/p>\n It was Jim now who finally replied, admitting the truth, giving the order, nothing more than a formal admission of the only path available to us,\u00a0 \u201cWe need you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThen I\u2019m yours,\u201d I said, for the third, and final, time.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Though both Jim and Bones nodded, thoughtfully, slowly, Spock was the one to speak into this loaded pause, so heavily weighted with relief and fear and trepidation.\u00a0 He moved the conversation forward, without a hint of his own personal reaction or involvement.\u00a0 \u201cGiven all the factors, Captain, it is only logical that it should begin with you.\u00a0 And that, given my Vulcan metabolism, which however minimally, appears to be slowing down the process, I should be the last.\u201d<\/p>\n I stared at Spock, and his gaze briefly raked across mine.\u00a0 Touched by his implacable calm, I felt my heart thump heavily.\u00a0 I understood he was, in his own way, going where I had gone; in full awareness, putting the lives of his comrades before his own; seeing, with that relentless Vulcan logic, the only possible way, the only ethical way.\u00a0 And yet, in that brief locking of our eyes, I thought I saw, too, a reflection of the far more human emotions I was trying to contain.<\/p>\n It had come to this.\u00a0 Everything had come to this.\u00a0 These good men, facing the imminent possibility of a particularly gruesome death.\u00a0 They might be used to the far reaches of space, but I couldn\u2019t imagine they wanted to go like the crew of the Cassandra<\/i>, lying rotting within meters of us, destined never to even have their bodies consigned to a decent burial.<\/p>\n I surreptitiously looked them over, these three men I\u2019d come to know, come to feel real affection for; yes, God help me, attraction, too.\u00a0 Still, we were talking about going into that secret landscape where our deepest selves are laid bare.\u00a0 Who can ever know what may rise in such places?\u00a0 Ghosts of menace from the past wafted up and softly whispered at me; the pure, undisguised evil of Lester Worsham, who\u2019d come to kill me, casually, on his way to his weekend golf game, his hot hand sliding up my thigh.<\/p>\n Then, too, here came the ghosts of all the women whose names I\u2019d long since forgotten, those terrified and terrorized women, black eyes, bruised bodies, battered souls, scared shitless, running from the men who had loved them black and blue.\u00a0 Women like Yolanda, the one whose name I would never forget, fleeing into our shelter half naked, and bloodied.\u00a0 Yolanda, who knew better than anyone what it had meant to have multiple men use her, use her like she was nothing.<\/p>\n A hand on my arm brought me back to the present; Bones, reading my expression that had wandered away from them for a moment, his face taut with worry.\u00a0 I felt myself lifted out of those lingering old fears, and a wave of something much more potent and pure washed over and into me, wrapping me close as I bounced and careened down this wild river of circumstance, a presence \u2013 within and without \u2013 that was warm and strong and substantial.\u00a0 This was not the stuff of my past.\u00a0 These men were not the ghosts of lovers past, my own or others\u2019.<\/p>\n These were the men who had saved me.\u00a0 I suddenly recalled how Lester Worsham had crumpled under the touch of Spock\u2019s precise fingers, recalled the tenderness Bones had shown me unfailingly since the first moment we met.\u00a0 I suddenly felt again Jim\u2019s arms tight around me as he had pulled me close, hundreds of years ago, up and away from my old life, into the future.\u00a0 This future.\u00a0 This present.<\/p>\n I let myself look at them again, their grave, worried faces, the way each of them finally met my eyes: open, courageous, formidable, yet oh, so human<\/i>.\u00a0 And I felt\u2026 safe<\/i>.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cSo,\u201d I said, as briskly as I could, controlling my not-quite-steady breathing.\u00a0 \u201cI guess we should\u2026get going?\u201d\u00a0 I looked around at the hulking body of the Cassandra<\/i>, full of the dead, at the rocky, treeless plain, feeling just a little stab of panic.\u00a0 \u201cCan we please find somewhere with a little \u2026privacy?\u201d<\/p>\n I could see that Jim was even now having trouble accepting this situation.\u00a0 He spoke reluctantly, not to me but to his colleagues.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cThe escape pod is functional.\u00a0 I\u2026 have an idea.\u00a0 If we\u2019re able\u2026if this works.\u00a0 In the meantime\u2026\u201d he broke off and shot me an unreadable look, shrugged, and waved his hand in a kind of \u201cafter you\u201d gesture, out toward where the pod sat like a forlorn chick separated from its mother.<\/p>\n So.\u00a0 This was it.<\/p>\n I nodded, not quite able to get any words out.\u00a0 I likewise tried to flash them all a loving and reassuring smile.\u00a0 Maybe seductive would have been better, but at the moment I couldn\u2019t quite pull that off.\u00a0 And so I turned, all too aware of the light touch of Jim\u2019s hand on my back as I led the way out to the pod, feeling the eyes of the fellow-wounded following us all the way.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n < previous<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 next ><\/a><\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" < previous\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 next > Most dangerous Is that temptation that doth goad us on To sin in loving virtue; never could the strumpet, With all her double vigour, art and nature, Once stir my temper; but this virtuous … Continue reading ![\"300px-The_Earth_seen_from_Apollo_17\"](\"https:\/\/hanilives.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/300px-The_Earth_seen_from_Apollo_17-150x150.jpg\")
<\/a>
\nMost dangerous
\nIs that temptation that doth goad us on
\nTo sin in loving virtue; never could the strumpet,
\nWith all her double vigour, art and nature,
\nOnce stir my temper; but this virtuous maid
\nSubdues me quite. Ever till now
\nWhen men were fond, I smiled and wondered how. (2.2.178)<\/i><\/p>\n